A Quick Response Plan to Bullying

Listen to your child.

Offer your help.

Validate your child by acknowledging their feelings.

Embrace your child with your help, and with your arms.

Gakina-awiiya (We Are All Related),

Chief Robert and Terri Lynn TallTree
www.thetalltrees.com

“Teach us love, compassion and honor…that we may heal the Earth, and heal each other.”   – Ojibwe prayer

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The Light of Integrity

“The soul is dyed the color of it’s thoughts.

Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the full light of day.

The content of your character is your choice.

Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become.

Your integrity is your destiny.

It is the light that guides your way.”

 – Heraclitis

Gakina-awiiya (We Are All Related),

Chief Robert and Terri Lynn TallTree
www.thetalltrees.com

“Teach us love, compassion and honor…that we may heal the Earth, and heal each other.”   – Ojibwe prayer

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Cyber Bullying Resources

“As America’s kids prepare to go back to school, national law enforcement leaders released a poll showing that one in three teens and one in six preteens have been victims of cyber bullying. The leaders estimate that more than 13 million children aged 6 to 17 were victims of cyber bullying. More than 2 million of those victims told no one about the attacks.” 

www.fightcrime.org/releases.php?id=231

This is unacceptable. 

Here is a link with some excellent resources if you are in the beginning stages of learning about cyber-bullying:

www.cyberbullying.us/links.php

Gakina-awiiya (We Are All Related),

Chief Robert and Terri Lynn TallTree
www.thetalltrees.com

“Teach us love, compassion and honor…that we may heal the Earth, and heal each other.”   – Ojibwe prayer

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Cyber Language/Internet Slang

We were musing over our post yesterday, and realized that many parents and teachers might not even know cyber-bullying if they saw it, because of the crazy shorthand, cyber language, and internet slang kids and adults use nowadays.  There’s a great site – www.netlingo.com – where you can decypher your child’s language.  We found an online language translator too that you may find helpful – www.worldlingo.com.

Gakina-awiiya (We Are All Related),

Chief Robert and Terri Lynn TallTree
www.thetalltrees.com

“Teach us love, compassion and honor…that we may heal the Earth, and heal each other.”   – Ojibwe prayer

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Cyber-Bullying

Last year we performed at a Catholic middle school that was going through a horrible experience. A group of 6th grade girls were bullying another girl through the computer, through myspace.com, and through text messaging. The girl who was being bullied refused to come to school, all the parents were up in arms, and the school found itself in the middle of a very serious situation in which there were no procedures or policies in place to deal with.

We spend quite a bit of time keeping up on research, but it wasn’t until this experience that we realized the extent of cyber-bullying, and the potential harm that it can cause.

Unlike younger generations, the percentage of our lives lived online is small, but that simply is not the reality for many young adults, adults, and children.  If you are a parent, or teacher, or if you have a child in your life that you care about, learn about cyber-bullying.  It is crucial in this day and age.  Here’s a website we found to be excellent in dealing with this issue:  www.stopcyberbullying.org

Gakina-awiiya (We Are All Related),

Chief Robert and Terri Lynn TallTree
www.thetalltrees.com

“Teach us love, compassion and honor…that we may heal the Earth, and heal each other.”   – Ojibwe prayer

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Gender Differences in Bullying

 In the 25 years we have been working with schools across the country, we have noticed some key gender differences in bullying behavior.  A couple of weeks ago we watched the movie “Mean Girls”, about a group of high school girls bullying another girl who doesn’t fit in, so they verbally torment her, and generally make her life miserable. Of course the misfit prevails, the mean girls face suitable consequences for their behavior, everybody learns lessons and live somewhat happily ever after. We wish it could be more like that in real life.

Gender Differences in Bullying Behavior

• Girls generally display bullying behavior by lashing out verbally, by creating alliances, by leaving other girls out, by gossiping and spreading rumors, and by engaging in covert behavior.
• Girl bullying is often based on body image, which can often be attributed to poor body images, low self-esteem, and may lead to eating disorders. 
• Boys have more of a “line ‘em up and knock ‘em down” tendency, and display their bullying behavior through physical intimidation.
• When boys engage in bullying behavior, they tend to bully girls as much as boys, while girls tend to bully mostly girls.
• Bullying behavior by boys can easily extend into sexual harassment or abuse, especially at the middle and high school levels.
• Both boy and girl bullying can manifest in racist remarks, especially if the students are poorly schooled on cultural diversity issues.
• In the last ten years, we have noticed a rise in both boy and girl bullying based on homophobic fears and misconceptions.

Both gender varieties of bullying are harmful and insidious in there own ways. As adults, it is so important to tell our children, and especially our girls, that just because they’re not hitting somebody physically, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Gakina-awiiya (We Are All Related),

Chief Robert and Terri Lynn TallTree
www.thetalltrees.com

“Teach us love, compassion and honor…that we may heal the Earth, and heal each other.”   – Ojibwe prayer

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5 Powerful Tips to Stop Bullying

school program

We’re gearing up to start our yearly tour of schools around the country. One common issue that schools regularly ask us to address is bullying, and we routinely give teachers, parents, and children powerful tips to stop bullying.

According to the National Violence Prevention Resource Center (www.safeyouth.org) over 30% of all students are affected by bullying, either as the bully – the one who is inflicting emotional or physical harm on another; or the person being bullied – the victim of harm.  This statistic does not begin to address the 70% of students who consider themselves bystanders – the students who watch it, and do nothing about it.

From a Native perspective, this saddens us deeply.  Traditionally, our culture is based on a foundation of cooperation and respect. When confronted by bullies, or when acting like bullies, we always encouraged our children to find their power within and use it to make the world a better place, not to act from a place of fear or aggression.

5 Powerful Tips to Share with your Children to Stop Bullying

Teach your children:

1. Bullying is not OK.  Bullying is not genetic, in other words you are not born with it in your DNA.  Bullying is not relative to race, culture, or gender, and is a behavior usually taught by someone you love or trust. Bullying is not a right of passage, and is not tolerable under any circumstances.

2. Stop.  Walk away.  Do not participate if a friend or group of friends are bullying another student.  When you’re feeling angry and mean, think about what you’re doing and stop.  Take a deep breath, and count to three.

3.  Be a friend.  Offer yourself as a friend to a student who is being bullied with a smile or kind word. Everybody is special and unique. Find out what makes the student being bullied special.

4.  Be brave.  If you are very brave, and feel safe, you can tell the bully to stop.  You have that right.

5.  Ask for help. Go to a trusted adult if you see another student being bullied.

Teach your children that they are powerful beings, and to use their power to respond to bullying in a positive way.

Gakina-awiiya (We Are All Related),

Chief Robert and Terri Lynn TallTree
www.thetalltrees.com

“Teach us love, compassion and honor…that we may heal the Earth, and heal each other.”   – Ojibwe prayer

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Homophobic or Anti-Gay Bullying

Anti-gay or homophobic bullying is an extremely serious, harmful issue that every parent and teacher should be aware of. One of the most profound memories we have comes from the day we spoke at a conference on Grief and Loss. It was in Casper, Wyoming and it was on the same day as Matthew Shephard’s funeral. There was so much sadness, it hung in the air like a dark cloud. Every single person is someone’s son or daughter. If you hurt them, they will feel pain.

 

Click on these links to read up on anti-gay or homophobic bullying:

 

www.safeschoolscoalition.org/Anti-GayBullying_Whats-theBigDeal.pdf

www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/children-s-mental-health/bullying-and-gay-youth

www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20070330/bullying-targets-lesbian-gay-teens

Gakina-awiiya (We Are All Related),

Chief Robert and Terri Lynn TallTree
www.thetalltrees.com

“Teach us love, compassion and honor…that we may heal the Earth, and heal each other.”   – Ojibwe prayer

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Following the Bent of your Nature

A big “miigwech” (thank you) to Dianne in Oregon for her email today, asking us to expand on a statement we made “the key is to always follow the bent of your nature, and you will find peace and happiness.” She said she once heard a person explain that in the Bible where it says “raise up a child in the way it should go,” the interpretation of the original Hebrew text of the Old Testament is, “raise up a child in the way he is bent.” This is what she had to say about it: “The meaning being that we should accept individual personality and characteristics of each child, which was given to them by the Creator and use those characteristics to the child’s benefit and well being rather than changing them because we may think they are offensive or disruptive. If we try to change the nature of a child and want them to be someone they are not, they will be unhappy.”

That’s great! It reminds me of the movie about Tina Turner. I’ll always remember the opening, where she’s a little girl singing in church and no matter how hard they try to make her stop, she just has to sing with all her heart. I am grateful that she didn’t get that squelched out of her. She just found her voice and never stopped using it. Now that takes courage.

Whatever your “voice” is, find it. Follow the bent of your nature. And no matter what anyone says to discourage or disempower you, use the gifts you were born with to make the world a better place. That’s what we’re all here for. 

Gakina-awiiya (We Are All Related)

Robert & Terri Lynn TallTree

“Teach us love, compassion and honor…that we may heal the Earth, and heal each other.”   – Ojibwe prayer

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